all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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