my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
