I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
