If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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