i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
