I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
