WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
