i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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