i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
