He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
