i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he fucked my hip out of place.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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