Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i love accidental penises.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
