Don't make out with my wife yet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
