He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
