Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.

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(626): View more from California

i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.

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(206): View more from Washington

imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.

(206): View more from Washington

Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.

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(713): View more from Texas

counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.

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(360): View more from Washington

It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.

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(510): View more from California

Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Why is there puke in my guitar?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Because you puked in your guitar.

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(813): View more from Florida

Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?

(813): View more from Florida

Because one of you banged your stalker

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