my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
