butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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