Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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