Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
