She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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