you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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