I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
