my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
