After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
