I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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