Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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