This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Someone came in the potted fern
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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