your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't turn off my feet"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize