You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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