Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
