would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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