friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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