First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
