I'm so fucking centered right now
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
