Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
