I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
