Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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