just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
