THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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