I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
