i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize