I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize