He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
