Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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