my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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