he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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