I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
