This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
