and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
