I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
