..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
