:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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