In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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