um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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