Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
