we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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