I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
