Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
