Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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