My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
