Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
