Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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