I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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