Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
