I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
