Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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